There’s always something, something for the monster in the back of my mind to feed on. There’s always something there, keeping him from starving to death, even in the brightest of days, there’s always something, hiding behind the sunlight. Come darkness, it’s all that I can see. He rears his ugly head and sinks his claws deep into my brain, throwing it on its knees and shattering it into a million pieces.
I can hear him roaring relentlessly in the back of my mind, lurking; waiting.
There is a wildfire burning inside of me, engulfing every fiber of my being in its relentless flames. I have welcomed it, helped it spread, and am unwilling to attempt to put it out. Why would I?
It’s the best thing that’s happened to me in I don’t remember how long.
– I think it’s been years since I’ve been as happy as I am right now, in this moment, lying here with you. If I could, I’d lay here forever. Would you?
– I have to pee…
Here I am again, in that special place I promised myself I’d never return to. I came back, stared for a while at the once orange walls that are now peeling off to reveal a dark grey, took off my shoes and headed for the middle of the room. I blew the dust off the only chair in an otherwise empty room and sat down. My torture chair. Now I struggle and I wait.
I came here to die a little more, to have pieces of myself ripped off and left hanging on the walls, next to the pieces from the last time I was here. I came here unwillingly and I hope to survive this room once more.
Here I am again, in that special place…
There’s a bookshelf inside of me, kept empty for books that only you could write before you gave up writing for me.
I have this little egg that I take with me wherever I go; it’s pretty and shiny and I take good care of it. I’ve grown quite fond of it and I like looking after it, it gives me purpose. Today, though, while wiping it clean, I noticed a little crack in its shell.
I felt my heart begin to shatter.