There’s always something, something for the monster in the back of my mind to feed on. There’s always something there, keeping him from starving to death, even in the brightest of days, there’s always something, hiding behind the sunlight. Come darkness, it’s all that I can see. He rears his ugly head and sinks his claws deep into my brain, throwing it on its knees and shattering it into a million pieces.
I can hear him roaring relentlessly in the back of my mind, lurking; waiting.
Here I am again, in that special place I promised myself I’d never return to. I came back, stared for a while at the once orange walls that are now peeling off to reveal a dark grey, took off my shoes and headed for the middle of the room. I blew the dust off the only chair in an otherwise empty room and sat down. My torture chair. Now I struggle and I wait.
I came here to die a little more, to have pieces of myself ripped off and left hanging on the walls, next to the pieces from the last time I was here. I came here unwillingly and I hope to survive this room once more.
Here I am again, in that special place…
I cannot even begin to express how much I hate you. I hate you for turning out to be just a figment of my imagination. I hate you for every time I find myself missing you. I hate you for every night I fall asleep thinking of you. I hate you for everything I write about you. I hate you for every song that reminds me of you. I hate you for every dream I have about you. I hate you for showing me glimpses of a happy life. I hate you for how amazing you are. I hate you for everything you’ve put me through. I hate you for breaking me. I hate you for stealing my heart.
I hate myself for loving you, nothing more than an illusion.
It’s that time of the night again when everything starts weighing down on me and I get depressed and angry and I hate everyone and I just want to cry myself to sleep and wither.
Deep down, I’m sad.